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Aries

Aries Lady Gaga celebrated her 24th birthday yesterday. Your face might not be on a sweatshop T-shirt yet but your popularity will soar this week. Sadly, your corner-cutting in the manufacturing department means that your popularity’s flight will be short-lived.

Taurus

Taurus Chris Evans appears unconcerned about the number of people escaping from Villawood detention centre lately. Your laissez-faire strategy is all well and good, but conflict will come looking for you midweek so be prepared to draw a line in the sand and defend it.

Gemini

With Mercury pushing all your social buttons I expect you are too busy to read this, and will get to it later in the week when your refusal to slow down has resulted in an unfortunate and crippling injury which will ground you for a few days. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Cancer

Tomorrow’s full moon in Libra turns the focus to home and family, so you’ll either be nesting up a storm or crying into the telephone. In either case I prescribe a nice hot cup of tea and a lie down; good things will come to those who can hang on a few more days.

Leo

Obama will be upsetting quite a few Leos with his health care reforms. A 10% tax on tanning salons? Solar worship is a right, right? Your vanity might be wounded this week but at least you will have a good excuse for a tropical holiday.

Virgo

Midweek there is some closure which looks surprisingly emotional, and then you’ll be a wreck for a couple of days. Fortunately you have a wonderfully short memory for human contact and by Friday you will be busily figuring out where to go next.

Libra

Regional polls in Italy are putting Libran Silvio Berlusconi to the biggest test he has had since he last rigged an election. You won’t need to pull too many strings to come out on top this week, though you will not be able to bribe all of the people all of the time.

Scorpio

Tony Abbott’s Iron Man antics are starting to look a little bit blue around the lips. Scorpio, you have won a tiny action-figure-shaped place in the nation’s heart. Now it is time to crawl into the nation’s aorta and unclot the flow of its legislative blood.

Sagittarius

There is a strong sense of social fulfilment for you on Tuesday and Wednesday which will carry over into the next month. However, look out for personal conflicts late in the week - there might be fallout from your earnest commitment.

Capricorn

Capricorn Hamid Karzai must be pleased now Obama has paid his doctor’s bill and is finding time to acknowledge the rest of the world. This is an excellent week for you to put pressure on powerful institutions with a view to taking bits of their power off them and giving it to yourself.

Aquarius

Aquarians are getting some therapy this week, and I am not just saying that because you are always getting therapy. This is an excellent week for devising spiritual quests, visiting shamanic healers, and generally supporting the legions of snake-oil quacks who prey upon your vulnerability.

Pisces

Could you try a little bit harder to communicate what you want from life? Could you be more specific about your list of demands? No? Okay then, stay vague and noncommittal, but don’t come crying to me when you get the home brand equivalent of your heart’s desire.