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Pisces

Greece is on strike against austerity, and that is exactly what you need to be doing. Go to Greece if you must, but more importantly, loose your restraints, burst your dam and embrace excess and irresponsibility. Someone will bail you out later. Maybe.

Aries

You might be selling tickets, but your popularity is of the Tilikum-the-killer-killer-whale variety. No-one really wants to see you, they just want to see you lose it. Aries Peter Garrett might like to get his dream job with the dolphins right about now.

Taurus

Taurean Tony Blair was apparently depressed after he got into Iraq - whoda thunk a nasty thing like Abu Ghraib could happen in a war type situation? Your newfound naivety is no excuse, later this week it will be time to take responsibility.

Gemini

Mercury changes your career direction this week, but any decisions you try to make will be drowned in environmental problems, so it is best just to swim with the current. Experience tells us the third tsunami warning will be the real one.

Cancer

It’s a good week for improved water sign energy, but there is a danger of dissatisfaction with the general flow, particularly if those around you are emotionally unstable or difficult. Avoid any situation which you think would make a good reality TV show.

Leo

As Thaksin Shinawatra has his assets seized, it’s clearly crunch time for you Leos. There should be just enough distraction available for you to hide some of your shadier deals (perhaps try deeper shade) before the wind changes on your aspirations for a while.

Virgo

As Virgos deal with their recent ineffectuality, Rudd’s latest ockerism is ‘fair cop.’ Admitting your weaknesses isn’t going to cut it this week, Virgo. You’re supposed to transcend them. If that’s not an option, at least come up with a better distraction.

Libra

If your workplace isn’t actually flooding, you are getting a monsoonal downpour of new ideas. Some of them can be discarded (eg ‘build thought ark, keep two of each’) while others will become the flotsam on which you are found clinging when the rain stops.

Scorpio

Tony Abbott is a Scorpio who knows when to sit back and watch the chaos unfold. But can you restrain yourself from cackling with glee? And just how much gleeful cackling can the electorate tolerate before it turns on you as well? We will soon find out.

Sagittarius

The swelling-waters theme for this week plays out well for Sagittarians, who could do with a bit of thirst-quenching. A warning: clinical studies have shown that the quenching of thirst can lead to the putting out of the fire in your belly.

Capricorn

This week Capricorns are likely to become distressed as people around you will be expressing their emotions. If you focus on a non-human sound such as a car engine or electrical hum, it helps prevent the further upset caused by actual screaming and rocking.

Aquarius

If someone hands you an outlandishly lavish budget, just accept it and thank Jupiter. While there won’t be a financial bonus for every Aquarian, there is a good chance you will get more than you need. It helps if you know how to say yes to things.