about -- blog -- books -- horoscopes

Pisces

With the Sun conjunct your ex-ruler Jupiter, there are a lot of positives coming your way this week. You can turn that frown upside-down, Gordon Brown; allegations of workplace fisticuffs will only end up making you look like less of a wimp.

Aries

The Reserve Bank reckons Barnaby Joyce lacks a basic understanding of debt. I’d argue that’s true of all Aries; consequences are usually somewhere outside your field of vision. This week is a rare exception. Try not to weep, Cassandra, it’s only temporary.

Taurus

Spare a thought for Taurean Jan Peter Balkenende, forced to step down over Afghanistan. On closer examination, though, it appears that resignation is something of a hobby for the four-time Prime Minister. Go ahead and make your stand, but this time they might not let you back in.

Gemini

Geminis are due for some insights about health this week, so perhaps you’ll suddenly see the wisdom in flogging Medibank Private, and/or flogging Barack Obama. Try not to kill two golden-egg-laying birds with one stone.

Cancer

The Dalai Lama, a typically pleasant Cancerian, usually has the luxury of leaving diplomatic messes for other people. But with the moon in Virgo, you’re going to be tidying every last speck of inappropriate alliance-building away. Just sweep it all into the drawer of cosmic unspeakability.

Leo

Whitney Houston arrived in Australia the other day and promptly told an airport driver to “get f**ked”. Okay Leo, we get that you decided not to walk in anyone’s shadow and learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all, but how about a bit of manners?

Virgo

Sunday’s full moon is particularly strong for you Virgos and will put a couple of your moral contradictions into sharp relief. If you happen to be incredibly rich, there will be less playing golf with government ministers and more philanthropy. Having babies sure does make you weak.

Libra

Julia Gillard’s tastes (not into tatts, loves Springsteen) are up for examination as if they matter. Well, for Librans, aesthetics really are the ultimate criteria, so it’s lucky you’re in a job where your haircut is going to determine the nation’s future.

Scorpio

As the ETS hots up again in the Senate, Penny Wong is starting to act more like a passionate, melodramatic, emotionally manipulative Scorpio, and less like the block of wood we took her for all this time. It’s nice to see you back, Scorp. Don’t break any windows.

Sagittarius

Stephen Smith threatens to take Japan to the cleaners over whaling, but only if the deadline’s at a safe, post-election distance. Japan responds, ‘whatevs.’ Sagittarius, you’ve already dithered for too long. If it needs doing, do it now.

Capricorn

In the presence of millions, Tiger Woods apologised to his wife last week. His wife is like the Stolen Generation of golf wives now. Nothing concrete will ever change for her, but at least the symbolic redemption will take a couple of years to go sour.

Aquarius

If you don’t get a payrise this week, it won’t be for want of whinging about it; Aquarians look set to take the issue of Australian Workplace Agreements to a whole other level. First you make it impossible for them to fire you, and then you just make it impossible for them.