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Sagittarius

Amidst the kerfuffle of last-minute ETS negotiations, you too are scrambling for answers. Your judgement has been clouded lately, which must be all the coal-smoke, but you now have a window of happy clarity which should culminate in good decision-making. About time.

Capricorn

Capricorn Tiger Woods had a minor accident last week which created a major media frenzy. Maybe it was just a scratch, but on the other hand, you are very expensive to fix. This week your inherent preciousness talks insurance policies.

Aquarius

In medieval lore, salamanders were thought to emerge from fire. What they were actually doing was falling asleep in rotten logs and running out of their beds when someone set them alight. This week you will achieve a similarly mythic awakening.

Pisces

All of your leaves have been edged with the burnt browns of exhaustion lately, but this week someone will come by with the hose. There will be at least enough water for you to consider some new shoots, if not outright evolution of sentience.

Aries

Energetic Aries will be pressed in several directions this week, so the outcomes will be confusing. Make an Advent calendar and pack it with sweet treats. Your daily Pavlovian response will give you the comforting illusion that you control the passage of time.

Taurus

With Venus shifting house this week, recent dichotomous conflicts will start showing signs of third-way solutions. Climate change giving you the mean reds? Apply for some community development funding to start a doomsday cult.

Gemini

It's a mistake Geminis keep making: you think that because you can explain something, you understand it. This week, pay close attention to the inexplicable, incomprehensible, and illogical in your world. Embrace your ignorance. You'll thank me later.

Cancer

It looks to me like your luck is turning, Cancer. After a long existential trial you will find that your desires can become intentions and manifest as actions. Maybe you shouldn't have wasted all that time in class trying to bend spoons, but at least you're catching up now.

Leo

You are deeply frustrated. Where there's a power vacuum, there's a Leo ready to fill it. Just as Joe Hockey steps back into the wings, you retreat only to work on your strategy, sharpen your weapons, and redraft your election speech.

Virgo

There is actually a great chance of success at the moment, which is annoying, because you have almost perfected your theory as to why failure is inevitable. Still, your research into the futility of optimism will keep you going for a while yet.

Libra

Julia Gillard's Wonka-esque photo shoot won't help anyone take her seriously. The biscuit for Libran hilarity is taken, however, by Steve Fielding's comment that gay marriage is wrong because 'a bloke cannot marry his brother.' Oh well. At least you are making 'em laugh.

Scorpio

Like Turnbull, you need that Scorpion ability to stick to your guns when all around you the grubby claws of the less evolved are trying to drag you back into the dark ages. If you're intent on being a feudal despot, be a feudal despot with vision.