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Sagittarius

The BBC reports that Sagittarian Hu Jintao is sending pandas to Adelaide to heal diplomatic tension between Beijing and Canberra. You can't help but make these lateral, coded gestures. Thank goodness you are not all in charge of endangered species.

Capricorn

Mike Rann is in trouble this week as his allegedly-ex makes accusations about their alleged sex life. Capricorns are like ducks: let's hope that's in the sense of water running off your back, not the sense of being out before you get a chance to run.

Aquarius

Between Rove and Oprah, quitting is in the air for Aquarians. For those without a talk show, it's still time to reconsider your ambitions and ditch any obligations that are dead ends. Where do you go after you reach the top, anyway? The parachute shop?

Pisces

It's an energetic week, but you won't have the solution to your restlessness right away; you will probably end up like that old guy who left his house in Yass to get the paper and accidentally drove to Geelong. Why do you still have a licence?

Aries

Eighty-two-year-old Aries Peter Cundall was arrested last week for protesting against the pulp mill. There's no stopping you! Get out the cape because Mars will have you bending back those prison bars and stopping bulldozers with one hand.

Taurus

Taurean Nabokov has a new book out this week, despite being dead. It's time to contemplate what works will survive you, what gestures you can make towards immortality, and how the hell you can find a wife like Vera to write all your novels for you.

Gemini

You're very quick on the uptake this week so take full advantage of any time-critical situations that come your way. If there was a fast-talking race you would win it, but more likely you will be the only one who cares enough to be ready with the quickdraw stopwatch.

Cancer

You feel pretty expansive right now and your social judgement is spot-on so get in contact with those neglected friends. Besides, if you can help them through this confusing, emotional time, they will owe you when you need them next.

Leo

With healthcare reform set to be debated in the US Senate, it looks like Leo Obama has won another round. This week you need to make your gains count as the universe hits you with a double or nothing challenge. You did say you wanted to be in a game show.

Virgo

Move fast, Virgo, because your life is about to turn into a cinematic chase sequence complete with crashing fruit stalls and parkour-style building leaps. This is a week where you can outrun nasty consequences with some clever ducking and weaving. Wear sneakers.

Libra

Venus encourages impulsiveness this week. Saturn's pull will slow your pheremone addiction and save you from maxing out at the florist, but you might want to enlist a Cyrano de SMS to filter out the more regrettable midnight declarations.

Scorpio

The new EU President, Herman Van Rompuy, is a Scorpio, and like him you have inherited a headache of symbolic responsibility. Big gestures will be needed, but use careful judgement as a mistake now could get you banished to the outer colonies.