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Leo

Happy birthday to Democrats Barack Obama and Andrew Bartlett. Starting new projects might seem like a crap idea, but it's a great week to relaunch, despite potential change fatigue. If the political career doesn't work out you can always find a place in community radio.

Virgo

It can be tempting to prove you can handle anything that life throws at you. Pride might wear a tough baseball glove but you'll have a busy week if you spend it playing catch. Sometimes it is easier just to duck and let stuff sail over your head.

Libra

Mary Poppins may have been insufferably cheerful, but at least she knew how to land gracefully. Take your cues from Libran Julie Andrews this week and don't forget to open the umbrella as you come down to Earth. Feel free to sing in mockney* while you're at it. (*faux cockney)

Scorpio

The focus is on networks this week but try and avoid playing political games. Compare the experiences of Scorpios Hilary Clinton and Condoleezza Rice. If you know when you're beaten, you can come back for another round. If you fight to the death, you die.

Sagittarius

Fire danger is unseasonably high. There's a good chance you'll fall in love this week, but it's more likely to be with an inanimate object than a flesh-and-bone human being. Who cares if your affection for hatstands and letterboxes is unrequited. All love is an act of the imagination anyway.

Capricorn

The villains in this story are going to show themselves, but don't expect any comic-book revelations - no masks whipped off to expose the cross-eyed, misanthropic scientist who was booted out of the academy. Instead you'll find the old dichotomies no longer apply.

Aquarius

Slow down Aquarius - what's the hurry? I know you have a big, bright future ahead of you but that's no reason to hurtle into it at breakneck speed. Remember that on life's road, there's always time to stop and complain about petrol prices.

Pisces

You'll be having some vicious dreams this week and may be tempted to beat yourself up. What's worse, your pain threshold is even lower than usual. Fortunately you simply won't have the energy to throw punches at anyone, least of all yourself.

Aries

There's a lot of hard labour in your week. Try not to look at it as a bad thing. Take pleasure in the process. And concentrate on what you're doing, because I'll bet a significant proportion of workplace accidents are caused by daydreaming about where you'd rather be.

Taurus

A recent British study found that nine out of ten children could identify Yoda but only a third could pick a magpie out of a line-up. Perhaps the country is more likely to be invaded by extraterrestrials than wildlife, but I still think you should get to know your local environment a little better.

Gemini

With Mercury at home you should be firing on all cylinders, but your domestic life is going to suffer. Laundry day comes and goes while you plot the feature film. Don't apply for any funding yet, but you might like to consider taking a wife.

Cancer

There are 24 weeks to go in the George Bush Out of Office Countdown. It's just enough time for him to start developing convenient Reaganistic afflictions of the memory. I'm suggesting you stop pacing like a trapped animal and start plotting your way out of this mess.